Are We Delusional?
Is Planning for Your Family’s Future Really Being Delusional?
Have you ever been called selfish or delusional for prioritizing your immediate family over the extended family you grew up with? If so, you’re not alone. Let me share a bit about my experience navigating this delicate balance, especially as a parent. My husband and I have three incredible kids: two in high school and one in fourth grade. All three are heavily involved in sports, which means our days are packed with training sessions, private lessons, weight training, practices, games, and tournaments. We’ve found ourselves in a constant rhythm of supporting their dreams and futures. Every decision we make comes down to this: choosing between our kids or trying to meet the expectations of others. And every time, without hesitation, we choose our kids.But apparently, this commitment makes us “delusional.” Why? Because we’ve stopped prioritizing our extended family’s desires—especially around holidays.
The Pressure to “Go Home”
Both my husband and I are originally from Arkansas, where most of our family still lives. For years, the expectation has been that we’d pack up and travel 12 hours for every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and family gathering. It was just what we did. But as our kids have grown older and more involved in their activities, we’ve realized how much time, energy, and peace this kind of travel takes from us. Now, I’m in a state of mind where I don’t care to do it anymore. Here’s why: our kids are growing up fast. Before long, they’ll be off to college and coming home to *us* during their holiday breaks. The last thing I want is to spend that precious time traveling halfway across the country to please someone else. Instead, I want my kids to associate home with peace, joy, and stability—not a mad dash to meet someone else’s expectations. So, we’ve started drawing boundaries. We’ve chosen to stay put for the holidays, to prioritize the family we’ve created over the family we came from. And let me tell you, it’s been liberating. Of course, not everyone sees it this way. Some relatives have called us selfish. Others think we’re delusional for planning ahead and setting these boundaries now instead of waiting until our kids are off to college. But here’s the thing: the sooner we establish these expectations, the easier it will be to maintain them in the future. By saying “no” now, we’re protecting our family’s peace and creating traditions that work for us—not just for others. People need to understand that not everyone is built to please people outside their own household. And that’s okay. For us, choosing our kids and their futures over extended family obligations doesn’t mean we don’t love our relatives. It means we’re making the best choice for the life we’ve worked hard to build. It’s peaceful here because we’re happy with our decisions. We’re investing in our kids, supporting their dreams, and creating memories together. And honestly? That’s all that matters. So, to anyone who feels judged for prioritizing their immediate family: you’re not selfish or delusional. You’re intentional. You’re thinking ahead and choosing what’s best for your household. And that’s something to be proud of. Here’s to planning for the future, setting boundaries, and finding peace in the choices we make. Your family’s happiness and well-being are worth it.
XOXO KAYE,